Our Year of Heartbreak

Yes....I still have my blog.  And yes, it has been a VERY long time since I've posted anything.  I've been trying to decide how to share my heart with my friends and family and I thought my severely neglected blog was the best way to so.

So here's what's been going on....

Dan and I have been trying for Baby #2 for quite a while - about a year now.  In April, we were thrilled to find out that I was pregnant.  And then a few short days later, I miscarried.  This was my second miscarriage.  The first was in 2002 and happened in a very similar way.  Both were very early on in the pregnancies and while they certainly have had their emotional impact on Dan and me, there were no physical effects that I had to deal with.

Then in August, another positive pregnancy test!  This pregnancy just felt different.  I can't really explain it but there were things that were just different than in April.  Because of my history, I saw the doctor at 5 weeks rather than the typical first visit around 8 weeks.  They did a couple of blood tests that week and everything looked great.  Then I had my first ultrasound at 7.5 weeks and again, everything looked great.  I was feeling good.  I had the typical nausea and tiredness that comes with the first trimester.  While I could do without those symptoms, I was happy to be experiencing them - more evidence that everything was okay.

Friday, September 21st, was my 11.5 week check up.  Dan and I walked into the ultrasound room excited to see our sweet baby again.  The second the image came up on the screen, we both knew something was wrong.  There was no movement, no evidence of a heartbeat, and no obvious growth from our last ultrasound 4 weeks ago.  The ultrasound tech took a few measurements and then said the words I will remember forever: "I don't have good news..."  We then met with the doctor who explained our options to us.  I will say one thing about everyone who works at the doctor's office I go to - they are all so compassionate and caring.  They expressed genuine concern and sorrow for us.

Because I was further along in this pregnancy than in the other two, I had to have a D&C.  I had the procedure done yesterday (Monday, September 24th) and everything went well.  Having to wait through the weekend was a very heavy weight on me and I'm glad it's over.

I wish I could give you some big spiritual lesson that I've learned through all of this.  Maybe when I'm a bit further away from it I will.  Right now, I don't understand why this has all happened.  God's Word says that He will give us the desires of our hearts and my deepest desire right now is for another sweet baby to love and lead toward Him.  I don't understand this path and I certainly wouldn't have chosen it for myself.  But I trust Him and will continue to follow Him where He leads. 

The verse of the day that came up on my phone the day I lost the baby in April was Ecclesiastes 11:5.  It says, "As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things."  I've gone back to this verse many times since April.  I CANNOT understand the work of God.  I'm learning to be okay with that one day at a time.

Our hearts hurt right now and probably always will.  But we'll move forward, trusting God that His timing for our family is always right.  We covet your prayers as we continue on this journey.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I LOVE Thanksgiving!  I love the time with family and friends without the distraction of presents (though I do love Christmas too!!).  I love that we have a whole day set aside to remind us that what we have is not from us but from God.

PSALM 95

Oh come, let us sing to the LORD!

Let us shout joyfully to the Rock of our salvation.

Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving;

Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.

For the LORD is the great God,

And the great King above all gods.

In His hand are the deep places of the earth;

The heights of the hills are His also.

The sea is His, for He made it;

And His hands formed the dry land.

Oh come, let us worship and bow down;

Let us kneel before the LORD our Maker.

For He is our God,

And we are the people of His pasture,

And the sheep of His hand.

 

I have so many things to be thankful for!  I have a God and Savior who loves me unconditionally and sacrificed everything that He might be glorified through me.  I am married to a godly man who desires to lead his family with love toward God.  He challenges me and makes me laugh in the same breath.  He is my best friend and I am so blessed by him everyday.  I have the most amazing little girl who I absolutely adore.  She brings more joy and laughter to our home than I could ever have dreamed.  I have learned so much about my relationship with God through her in the last two years.  I have the best parents who have supported me through everything and the coolest sister who is also my best friend.  I have lovely girlfriends who have added so much fun to my life and a kind of relationship I didn't even know I needed.  Wow...with all of this, how much more could I possibly ask for??

Home Again

It's taken me way too long to get something on here about my trip but I'm having a hard time figuring out what to say about it.  Besides that, my flight landed in Tampa at 11pm on Sunday and I was back at work at 7am on Monday.  I've been slightly tired this week.  But it was totally worth it.

My trip ended up being totally different that I had imagined.  I think I didn't really know what to expect.  We landed in Abidjan, Côte d'Ivoire on Friday night and spent the night at a pastor's retreat there.  We got up early on Saturday morning, had breakfast there, and then made the 5 hour trek from Abidjan to Bouaké by bus.  The countryside is beautiful...it actually reminded me of Florida.  They're just coming out of the rainy season so everything is very green.

Pastor's retreat in Abidjan

Houses along the highway in Abidjan

On the highway to Bouaké

Church on Sunday morning was a couple of hours earlier than normal because of the presidential election.  They also usually have separate services, one in French and one in Dioula but they combined into one service for the same reason.  They wanted people to have time to go vote on Sunday.  The service was amazing.  There were actually four different languages represented and they sang songs in each language.  There was so much life and energy throughout the service.  There was clapping and dancing with every song.  It just seemed so genuine and joyful and heartfelt.

 Just before church started

  Beckie (Journey Corps French Teacher), Jessica (Journey Corps Staff from Denver), and me after church

The most significant experience I had was visiting the orphanage.  While it was fun to get to play with the kids, it was also incredibly difficult.  Angelika (the missionary in Bouaké) took Jessica and I to play with the younger kids (it's hard to guess their ages but most of them who Jess and I were with were probably around 2 or 3).  The whole time I was there, I couldn't help but think about Parker and how much she thrives on love and attention from Dan and me.  It absolutely broke my heart that these kids don't, and may never, have that.  They would light up when we would touch their hand or pick them up.

 Angelika showing the kids how to jump over the ropes

 Eating yogurt ☺

  

There's so much more I could tell you about my trip but I don't really know how.  There was many times and ways throughout the week that God showed me how desperately I need Him, how I am nothing without Him.  He showed me (certainly not for the first time) that my whole life should be lived to serve and glorify Him.

The Journeyer's are awesome!  I just fell in love with each one of them and did not want to leave them.  They're so anxious to see God work in their lives through their year in Côte d'Ivoire.  The first several weeks, they'll be focused on learning French and learning about the culture.  Once they have a sufficient grasp of those two things, they'll go live with families that Rod and Angelika (the coolest missionaries ever!) know through the National churches they work with.  There are many different areas for the Journeyer's to serve in based on their skills and desires.  I would encourage you to check out the "members" section of myjourneycorps.com.  The "featured members" are the Journeyers who are there now and who I have the amazing privilege of getting know.  I feel so blessed to have been part of their journey in Côte d'Ivoire and I hope I get to see them again.  God is going to do incredible things in and through them this year.

Thank you so much to those of you who helped me get there, both through financial gifts and prayers.  My experiences and what God did would not have been possible without you.

The Journey Has Begun!!!

Today has been an amazing and exhausting day.  I arrived in Denver yesterday and spent today in training with the Journey Corps team.  They are a great group of students who are anxious and excited to experience God in Africa.  There are some nervous emotions as some program changes have come about but God is in control and is not surprised by the changes.

We leave tomorrow morning for Africa!  I can't believe it's here already.  I'm so excited to see what God is going to do in and through me.  I'm missing Dan and Parker desperately already.  I don't know how much I'll be able to communicate with them while there gone and that's what I'm struggling with the most.

Thank you for your prayers up to this point.  Please continue to pray for me and the team as we start our travel tomorrow and arrive in Ivory Coast.  Pray that we don't miss what God wants to teach all of us.  Pray that He would be so real to us through this experience.

I hope to be able to blog some while I'm there so check back!!!

Parker's 2!!

Today is Parker's 2nd birthday!  I can't believe I have a 2-year-old.  We were going to do a small party with a few friends over the weekend but I was so fried by the end of last week after somewhat unexpectedly going back to work, I didn't get anything together...great mom, right??  PLUS, Parker started running a fever Friday afternoon and did off and on all weekend.  Poor girl is getting all 4 eye teeth in at the same time and they're really hurting her...more than any of her other teeth have seemed to bother her.  Anyway, we ended up just doing dinner and cake at my parents house last night.  

Parker loves butterflies so I decided to make her a butterfly cake.

Me and my girl!

The present opening process went very fast.  Parker went from one bag to the next, pulling the gift out and dropping it on the floor.  

"Happy birthday to Parker!!"

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Life in the Lyle household has changed drastically in the last few days.  I suddenly find myself a full-time working mom and Parker is going to school!  It has seriously been a whirlwind the last 5 days or so.  Dan and I had kind of been talking about me going back to work but hadn't really decided for sure whether or not it was going to happen.  Last Thursday, I decided to just look online and get an idea of what was out there.  All I did was Google "Executive Assistant Positions in Tampa, FL" and found a listing for a position with Construction for Worldwide Evangelism.  When I opened it up, I recognized the name of the manager as the gentleman who our church does a lot of mission trips through.  Construction for Worldwide Evangelism didn't ring a bell because it's familiar to me as CWE.  This was way too coincidental for me to ignore so I sent my resume.  I got a call Friday asking if I could come in Monday morning for an interview.  I interviewed yesterday, they offered me the position yesterday afternoon and asked me to be there this morning at 7:00am.  It was pretty crazy.  I still can't get over how fast it happened!

In the midst of this, I was having to figure out what I was going to do with Parker in the event I was to go back to work.  I visited a few different preschools in the area and decided on one that I think is going to be great for Parker.  When we went back last night to drop off the paperwork to enroll her she said, "my school!!"  She was so excited, which made me feel a little more at ease about the whole thing.

So today was my first day back in the working world and Parker's first day of school!  I'm exhausted just thinking about all that has happened the last few days...not to mention the fact that I had to get up at 4:45am!  So not use to that!!  It'll probably take all of us a few days...or weeks...to adjust to this new season but we're all excited about it.  It was hard to drop Parker off this morning knowing I wouldn't get to spend my whole day with her.  But I can't deny the fact that God was fully instrumental in this whole thing.  He provided in so many ways that we were not expecting and really couldn't even have dreamed of.  He truly is a good God!

So close...and still so far!

First of all, I have to say a huge thank you to all of you who have given to me financially to help get me to Africa.  I know I've already said this, but it has been truly amazing to see God provide from some of the most unexpected places.  I've received checks from people I haven't seen or spoken with in many years, some of whom have little money themselves.  But they were sensitive and obedient to the Holy Spirit and I praise God for that obedience!

Earlier this week, I was really concerned about the financial side of my trip.  I could not see how I was going to have enough money to go.  I even emailed a few of the pastors at my church seeking guidance...do I keep "pressing on" as if I'm going and trust the funds to come in or do I put what I've raised so far towards a future trip?  I NEED TO LEAVE FOR DENVER IN 20 DAYS AND FOR AFRICA 2 DAYS AFTER THAT!! (Can you hear the panic in my voice??) The responses were exactly what I thought they would be:  that I should not let money get in the way of going on this trip, that I need to keep moving forward and making preparations to go and to trust that the money will be provided.  

After that email correspondence (and a little bit of freaking out on my part), I received two checks in the mail totaling $125.  I had been waiting to send my paperwork in for my visa because in my mind, it doesn't make sense to send in for my visa when I don't even know if I'm going to have enough money to go.  But in light of the advice I received and praying about it (imagine that!), I went today and did the check request I needed to do in order to get my visa.  When I got home from doing that, I had another $200 in the mail.  God is so good!!

Now I'm just a few hundred dollars away from what I'll need to cover my whole trip.  I still have to purchase a ticket to Denver to meet up with the team for training before we leave and I need about $200 to cover my room and board while I'm in Ivory Coast.

Will you be the one?  Will you fill in the gap and provide that last little bit?  Some of the most amazing gifts I've received had the smallest dollar amounts on the check.  They're amazing to me because I know the heart and sacrifice behind them.  Please don't let not being able to give a large amount stop you from giving.  God can use it all!  I know that you will be blessed by joining me in this ministry as we help to train missionaries to spread the Gospel to the Ivory Coast and beyond.

For information on how to give, please send me an email at sclyle@gmail.com or leave a comment below and I'll contact you with the details.

For more information about Journey Corps and the training facility in Ivory Coast, visit www.myjourneycorps.com.